The Story of Channon Rose: Lessons between the Lines by Channon Rose

Author:Channon Rose [Rose, Channon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781505462685
Published: 2015-02-08T08:00:00+00:00

Chapter 5

Cutting Out the Pain

Everything happens for a reason and works out for the best in the end.

JOY ROSE

Committing suicide doesn’t always come easy. Especially when you’ve chosen a way to die that doesn’t happen instantly. Pills take time to do their job. So what do you do in the meantime? What do you think about? Well, unfortunately, and fortunately, you have time to think of everything imaginable. As soon as I swallowed all those pills I started to get a little scared. It’s difficult to really comprehend death and an ending to life, especially at such a young age. I started to think what if I did not die peacefully? What if I start feeling really sick? I started to panic, and then I was able to calm myself down, only to find myself back to the reality of standing in my bathroom staring at myself in the mirror crying and wondering what I had just done. I wanted to die, but at the same time I didn’t. I started to feel a small sense of regret come over me, which then turned into a huge overwhelming feeling of regret. In addition, I started to feel really strange. My face turned from a flushed red color to pale white then grey and I started to get very light headed. It was difficult to tell how much time had already passed, so I wasn’t sure if I started to have a panic attack or if the pills had enough time to kick in and were slowly starting to kill me. I didn’t know, but at that moment I knew I didn’t want to die anymore. I rushed to grab the phone and I frantically called my mom at work and told her what I had done. I could barely breathe at this stage. I started hyperventilating. The meds were definitely taking affect by this time. I didn’t know if I would be able to control this and stay awake long enough to help myself or have someone save me.

My mom was mad, I could hear it in her voice but I needed her help more than anything right now. She said to stick my fingers down my throat and try to throw up the pills. I tried but nothing came up. I hadn’t eaten much that day, so there was nothing to throw up. I was finally able to throw up just a little bit, but not much, not enough to make a difference. I don’t remember much after that, the pills were doing their job as I had initially intended and they were taking my life away. Sometime later, the fire department broke down our apartment door. I wasn’t awake or coherent during this time. This was all information I received after the fact. Apparently my mom had dialed 911 after I called her and the fire department found me and rushed me to the hospital. In the emergency room they pumped my stomach, and when I came to, they made me drink charcoal—it tastes disgusting.

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